As I read the parsha (Torah portion of the week), I am struck by all the repetition. It seems like every time we turn around, God (haShem) is telling Moshe (Moses) or Moshe and Aaron to raise the staff up to create a plague, or to tell pharaoh to let haShem’s people go to serve him even though, Hashem tells them, that pharaoh will not do it. And pharaoh’s heart keeps being set against the idea of sending the people. Why do we need to be told again and again that Moshe said “Let my people go,” and that pharaoh’s heart was hardened and it didn’t happen? Why does each plague require the raising of a staff held in one’s hand? From a literal, plain, reading, I see no reason. However, if we continue with Chico’s idea from last week, that we are being taught how to get out of being enslaved to habits we no longer want/that no longer serve us, the repetition starts to make sense.
Last week we looked at this as an internal battle between the part of us that identified with, and controlled/enslaved us with a habit (pharaoh), the part of us that was stifled and in pain because of the habit (the sons of Yaakov/Jacob), and the part of us that frees us from bad habits and helps us grow (Moses). We also saw how the habit went from a living, beneficial part of us, to a crippling, set in stone habit. And we saw the first step in getting out from under the habit.
The thing about habits is that we keep falling back into doing them. This is what makes them so powerful. We don’t just stop doing them, we find ourselves stopping from doing them again and again and again. It is very easy to get frustrated and give up. It is this feeling of despair that corresponds to the hardening of pharaoh’s heart. At first, we try to change and we manage for a day. Then we fall back and get discouraged. We can harden our own heart at this point and say we can’t get what we want, and keep the habit. Or we can raise up the upright parts of us (are staffs not straight and upright?), and try again. Sure we know that the habit is deeply embedded in us, but we also know that the only way to change is to stand up, again and again, to the habit.
This is Moshe and Aaron going back to pharaoh and saying let my people go, even though they know that it won’t happen. After a few times, however, we find change starting to take over. And the pharaoh aspect pleads to be allowed to exist. This is pharaoh asking Moses to entreat Hashem on his behalf. We think we can now handle the old habit, so we allow ourselves to indulge in it. And what happens? We find ourselves stuck again in the same old bad habit. The parsha tells us this is going to happen, but we still need to experience it, for it is part of the process.
The process is a hard one, for a part of the person that is changing is suffering. One must remember that while it might not feel good, the overall process is positive and good. May we all be guided and comforted by that belief and we go thru the birthpains of change and growth.
About the Author
Shmuel Shalom Cohen spent 10 years studying Torah in Jerusalem. Six years ago, he started Conscious Torah to help Jews connect to their tradition in ways they didn’t think possible. Shmuel also started, and is the executive directory of Jewish Events Willamette-valley, a non-profit whose mission is to build Jewish community, pride, and learning. In his free time, Shmuel likes walks in nature, playing music, writing poetry, and time with good friends.