Hello and welcome to the Thursday Shmooze. We haven’t had one for the last few weeks because of Passover, but now that the holydays have passed, it is time to shmooze!
This week a friend brought me an interesting question. It starts with the end of Passover; specifically the splitting of the sea. Now according to the midrash, there was a man named Nachshom who was the first to walk into the sea. The water got up to his nose and still he didn’t hesitate – he took another step. He had no idea what would happen. The logical thing was that he would drown. His hope was to be free of Egypt and god told him to go into the sea. Now the water is up to his nose. Still he didn’t hesitate. He took another step. He didn’t question haShem (god), he trusted that haShem would lead him to do what is best for him and for the Jewish people. He took another step… and the water parted… Nachshom and the Jewish people were saved.
A mentor of mine, Michael Kagan shared with me the following teaching based on this story: go ahead and ask god for what you want. Now, can you let go of the details of what you want and trust god to provide what is best for you regarding what you want? Even if what is best is not having what you want? After all, who are you to tell god what is best? How in the world can you know? After all, you (and the rest of humanity) only see the small picture, while god sees the big picture.
My friend then came to me with the following dilemma: He is in his late 40s. He wished to marry and have children and continue his father’s lineage. He recently met this woman who is in her 50s and they have a lot in common and they both feel a deep connection and attraction. What should he do? Does he not consider her for a mate because she can no longer get pregnant? Or should he pursue this woman who might be his beloved and give up on having children and continuing his father’s lineage. The former might be tying god’s hands and ignoring the lesson of the above story, while the latter would be inline with the teaching of the story: to trust haShem that if this is the woman who is his beshert (his destined wife), then he should marry her even if she cannot conceive. Maybe it is best for him not to have a child. Or maybe god will provide a miracle and she will conceive (like Sarah did – see the 1st book of the bible). Either way, pursuing her would be like Nachshom stepping into the sea. Does he have the courage, trust, and faith in haShem/god? Or does this story not apply in this case and the test is to stand up to god and say: “The desire is to continue my father’s legacy and I will not give that up. God, provide me a wife who can do that or I won’t get married.”
How would you answer this question? Please feel free to tell me in a comment below. Thanks and have a great shabbat.
About the Author
Shmuel Shalom Cohen spent 10 years studying Torah in Jerusalem. Six years ago, he started Conscious Torah to help Jews connect to their tradition in ways they didn’t think possible. Shmuel also started, and is the executive directory of Jewish Events Willamette-valley, a non-profit whose mission is to build Jewish community, pride, and learning. In his free time, Shmuel likes walks in nature, playing music, writing poetry, and time with good friends.