Friday night starts the holy day of Yom Kippur. When I was young, and until about 10 years ago, Yom Kippur was an uncomfortable day filled with droning prayers and empty stomachs… and no idea of what I was trying to accomplish or why.
Today is a different story. As the sun sets Friday night and the powerful strains of Kol Nidre start, I understand part of what Yom Kippur is about and how to accomplish it.
Simply put, Yom Kippur is a day to step back and compare you life with what you want it to be at this time next year. After doing this, it becomes a time to talk to the Creator-of-Everything and ask for help in making the changes in your life to go from being who you are today, to who you want to be next year.
This is easy to write, but it is not as easy to do. I do it by first focusing on my highest self and having a conversation with it. When I say I am focusing, what I mean is that my attention is so centered on being with and listening to what my inner essence wants that I am not aware I might be hungry or cold. I have heard that some zen monks can be so involved in their meditations that you can push them over and they are not aware of it as they lie on their back, their body posture unchanged as if nothing had happened.
Once I can get this kind of focus, I can hear, really hear the kind of life I truly want to have for myself. Now, this might take awhile. Fortunately we have Friday night and almost all of Saturday to get to this place of understanding.
Then, the last hour of the day, we go into the N’ilah prayer. In this prayer, it is as if each one of us goes into a room that only contains the Creator and ourselves. We are then allowed to lock the door so we cannot be disturbed, and we are free to have a 60 minute intimate conversation with the Master of the Universe.
It is during this time, during N’ilah, that we can share all our hopes and fears with haShem (god), and also ask for haShem’s help in making the changes we need to become the person our deepest self yearns to become.
Back in the days we had the temple, a red thread would turn white to let us know that god had heard our sincere desire to change and said, “Yes, I will help you become who you truly desire to be.”
Today, we don’t have the thread or the temple, but as it is getting dark, and the shofar is blown one final time, I picture in my mind, the red thread with my name on it turning white, and a voice from heaven saying, “Yes, I will help you become who you truly desire to be.”
May this be the year that all of us become who we are truly meant to be.
Chag Samayach/happy holy days.
If you want to read what I wrote about Yom Kippur previously, click here.
About the Author
Shmuel Shalom Cohen spent 10 years studying Torah in Jerusalem. Six years ago, he started Conscious Torah to help Jews connect to their tradition in ways they didn’t think possible. Shmuel also started, and is the executive directory of Jewish Events Willamette-valley, a non-profit whose mission is to build Jewish community, pride, and learning. In his free time, Shmuel likes walks in nature, playing music, writing poetry, and time with good friends.