The parsha (Torah portion) for this week , along with the beginning of the next week’s parsha, gives us a blueprint for how to live and interact with people.  There are 3 scenarios that the Torah looks at:   How do you deal with someone who changes the rules on you, How to deal with somebody who accuses, and What to do when you are feeling threatened.  The latter scenario is in next week’s parsha, so maybe I will talk about it next week.

Let’s look at the first scenario:  What do you do when somebody you are dealing with changes the rules on you?  For example, you bring your car in for repairs and the mechanic gives you one prices, and then he tells you it cost three times as much.  What should you do?  You could stand there and scream at him.  But all this will do is get the person you need something from (your car repaired) angry with you and make it less likely for you to get what you want (him to do a good job repairing your car).  This is the situation Yaakov (Jacob) is in when he is ready to marry Rachel, and Lavan gives him Leah instead.  He goes up to Lavan and explains to him that this was not his understanding of the deal.  Lavan then tells him that where he comes from, you don’t marry off the younger daughter before marrying off the older daughter.  Rather then scream and finger point and get all worked up, Yaakov goes and does what he needs to in order to get what he desires:  Rachel.  This is taking responsibility for what you desire.  And the end result is that Yaakov actually gets more then he sought (Lavan gives him 2 maidservants and when he leaves, he winds up with the best of the sheep and goats).  This approach also allows Yaakov to let go of the anger, which can cause dis-ease if he had kept in all bottled up inside.

The second scenario is a little different.  Yaakov leaves while Lavan is away, and when Lavan is told, he chases after Yaakov.  When he catches up to Yaakov, Lavan accuses him of stealing some personal objects.  Little does Yaakov know, but the accusation is true for Rachel had indeed taken the items.  Now Yaakov could stand there and get all indignant, which would resolve nothing and build anger in both Lavan and himself, which could have led to violence.  Instead, Yaakov takes responsibility and tells Lavan to go and search for his personal belongings, and if any are found, the thief will be killed.  When nothing is found, Yaakov is now justified in letting out his indignation and Lavan is able to receive it.  This allows all emotions to get released and everybody to feel justice and truth were accomplished.  The key again is that Yaakov took responsibility, and the result was he got what he wanted (exoneration and to tell Lavan how he felt about him), and a release of emotions.

A few people have emailed me telling me how my thoughts each week have rung true for them during that particular week.  This time it is my turn to share such a story.  Over the past few weeks, I have been on overload between a work project that has taken much longer to do, and trying to get my landlord to fix a leak before the rains come (among other things).   Each one of these many things, I held onto and stressed over:  how am I going to find the time, and how can I get the landlord/person I need something from to do what I need in a timely fashion, etc.  I was in a very scenario one kind of place.  The result was I wound up stressed, depressed, and eventually sick.  Well, while lying in bed (and also getting a treatment from a friend), I started to let go of all these things that I was holding onto and just telling myself to only take responsibility for what I can, and let the rest of it go.  (Yaakov pointing out to Lavan the problem, and then letting go, for who Lavan gave to Yaakov, Yaakov had no control over).  The feeling of peace and relaxation that came over me was amazing, and I quickly got over the illness, and everything started to flow, so that my overloadedness is now taking care of itself.  Things I was holding so tightly to and worrying about, are resolving themselves and going away without effort on my part.  And I am now able to see more clearly what I really need to be doing.

I hope these words are helpful to people in a stuck place and I bless everybody to be able to stand up and take responsibility, and then to let go and watch the flow provide you with what you want and need.

About the Author

Shmuel Shalom Cohen spent 10 years studying Torah in Jerusalem. Six years ago, he started Conscious Torah to help Jews connect to their tradition in ways they didn’t think possible. Shmuel also started, and is the executive directory of Jewish Events Willamette-valley, a non-profit whose mission is to build Jewish community, pride, and learning. In his free time, Shmuel likes walks in nature, playing music, writing poetry, and time with good friends.