Winter is coming. The days are getting short and cold and the nights, long and cold. It is the perfect time to go inside and work on oneself and face one’s demons. Funny I should say that because in the parsha (weekly Torah portion) we are reading this week, Yakov (Jacob) does just that. Before I satisfy your curiosity, however, I am going to give you a recap of the events in the parsha.
If you recall from the end of the previous parsha, Yakov had just left Lavan, his father in-law and had been welcomed by some angels. Strangely enough, the parsha begins with Yakov sending angels ahead to his brother Asov (Esau) telling him that he is on his way and is bringing gifts.
When the messengers returned stating that Asov had 400 men, Yakov became very afraid and divided his camp into two hoping at least one would survive. He then prayed to the ancestral god. After his prayers, he made a series of gifts and sent them to his brother. He then took his wives and children and all he owned across a river.
Alone, he wrestles a man until dawn. When the man asks to be let free, Yakov refuses until he receives a blessing which is the changing of Yakov’s name to Israel (which means among other things one who wrestles with god).
As the sun arises, Yakov sees Asov who runs to him and they hug and kiss and weep over each other. Then Yakov introduces his family to Asov. Asov offers to travel with Yakov, but Yakov says he will go to slow due to children and livestock and that he will catch up to Asov. Asov leaves and Yakov settles in Succot (which means huts) which is named for the huts he made his animals.
He then goes to Schem and buys some land. The prince of Schem then has his way with Yakov’s daughter Dinah and wants to marry her. Yakov’s sons say ok only if all the men of Schem get circumcised. They agree and while they are in pain, Shimon and Levi (two of Yakov’s sons) slaughter all the men and the town is pillaged.
Yakov is not happy with this and haShem tells Yakov to go to Bet El and make an altar there. Rivka’s nurse, Devorah dies there. God blesses Yakov there, and then he moves southward where Rachel dies giving birth to Benyamim (Benjamin), though she gave him a different name.
Yakov goes off by himself for a bit and Reuvan sleeps with Yakov’s half-wife (and his mother’s servant) Bilhah. Yitzhak dies and is buried by Asov and Yakov and we end with a genealogy of Asov’s descendents, Asov moving off the land to allow Yakov to have the land (the land could not support both of them), and of the kings who reigned in the land before the tribes of Yakov take over the land.
For those of you into high drama, this is the parsha for you! So much happens here that deals with relationships, real and perceived. It is the perceived that I am going to talk about because that is what struck me first as I read the parsha.
Relationships are funny things. There is the reality of what is going on between people and then there is what somebody thinks is going on. When these are the same, everything is good. When they aren’t, all kinds of misunderstanding can happen.
What makes a person’s perception go haywire?
One thing is projection of the ego. The ego in this case is the part of a person that is paying more attention to itself then to the outside world and then it projects its internal perception onto the outside world. Two of the most common projections are desire and fear. In the beginning of this parsha, we get a chance to see Yakov deal with his fears of facing Asov.
First, let’s explore what is Yakov afraid of. The last time he saw his brother, Asov was ready to kill him. Now, even though it is 20 years later, he is still worried that Asov wants to kill him. This worry is so strong that it starts to color everything that he does. He prays to god, he separates the camp into two. He stays up half the night frantically making gifts and telling his servants exactly what to say and how to approach Asov. Then he takes his family and crosses the Jordan.
At this point, the Torah says something strange. Even though he is with his family, the Torah tells us that Yakov fights a man by himself. Let’s look at this a little more closely.
Yakov prays to haShem (god) to help him survive his encounter with Asov. Yakov doesn’t know how Asov feels about him after 20 years; he is afraid though. So haShem answers his prayers by giving him the chance to face his fears of Asov, wrestle with them, and conquer them.
The man that Yakov wrestles is nothing more then the manifestation of his fears. As with all fears, this man is nameless during the fight. When Yakov is successful at controlling his fear (the man), he is able to turn his fear into a blessing and he receives the name Israel. He is now ready to face his brother, which is the next thing that happens in the parsha.
Ok, this is nice to say, but where does it all come from? Where does it say all this?
First, the parsha tells us of Yakov’s prayers. Then, after he makes the gifts for Asov, he takes his family across the river, yet the parsha says that Yakov was alone. When one is afraid, one feels alone, even in a crowd. When one is afraid, a person does not even believe god is with him/her.
It is interesting to note that when Yakov crosses the river, he crosses at a place called Yabek. Hold that word for just a moment, for the next thing to happen is Yakov wrestles with a man. The word for wrestle here is YayAVek. I am spelling it funny to emphasize that the Hebrew word for wrestle is the same word that was used for the place Yakov crossed, except that the crossing is missing an aleph. Why?
When Yakov crosses, he knows he needs to wrestle with his fear, and at the time of crossing, he doesn’t feel god is with him. God is one (unity, everything) and the aleph has a numeric value of one. That is why it is missing.
Ok, back to the story. Yakov and the man wrestle. It is still night. Why does the fight happen at night? Because what is really happening is an internal struggle, not an external battle, and night is the cloak of darkness that implies something internal and hidden.
Why am I saying it is an internal struggle? Because if it was a physical fight, Yakov’s sons would have joined in. I know, you say that Yakov was alone. However, I just explained that this is how he felt, not where he was in the physical world. Given that it happens at night, and is an internal battle, it would make sense that it is happening in a dream. This would also explain why the man has to go at dawn – Yakov would be awakening without a resolution to his struggles and fears. The moment the man says he needs to leave, Yakov knows that he has control of his fear, and now he wants his fear to be a source of blessing. Only then will he release it – when his fear produces blessings.
So Yakov won; he knew he saved himself from his fear of Asov and so he names the place “my-soul-was-saved.”
And he goes on to meet and rejoice in reunion with his brother.
For those who think his brother was not happy to see him, I offer verse 6 of chapter 36 in Breisheit (Genesis) where Asov was willing to let Yakov have the land. This is important for their father never left the land and Asov had to know that this land was promised by god to go to the descendents of Yitzhak (and Avraham).
I bless everybody with the strength and the courage of Yakov, to face their fears and demons, to wrestle with them, and to make them a source of blessings for you and the world. May we all see the emet (truth) in the world around us and in each and every relationship we have.
If you want to read what I wrote about this parsha last year, click here.
About the Author
Shmuel Shalom Cohen spent 10 years studying Torah in Jerusalem. Six years ago, he started Conscious Torah to help Jews connect to their tradition in ways they didn’t think possible. Shmuel also started, and is the executive directory of Jewish Events Willamette-valley, a non-profit whose mission is to build Jewish community, pride, and learning. In his free time, Shmuel likes walks in nature, playing music, writing poetry, and time with good friends.