I hope everybody is doing well.  This week we finish the book of Genesis or Breisheit as it is referred to in Hebrew.  We also saw the end of Jacob/Israel and Yoseph.  Before Israel passes from us, however, he does give us some final pointers on how to interact with people.

The parsha (weekly Torah portion) starts out with Yaakov/Jacob knowing he is near death and so he asks his son Yoseph to swear to bury him at the ancestral burial site in Canaan . Back then, taking an oath was very serious business.  A bad analogy would be signing a contract that you would give up your first born if you don’t do something.  Anyway, what we can learn from this is that if you want somebody to do something that is important to you, make it important to them.  By making Yoseph swear, he has made it important to Yoseph because back then you didn’t break oaths.

The parsha then proceeds to when Yoseph hears that Yaakov is on his deathbed and comes to him.  Yaakov somehow finds the strength to sit up in bed, showing that if someone is important to you, you make an effort for them.  Yaakov/Israel then says to Yoseph something strange.  He says that Yoseph’s two sons are to be his, just like his two eldest sons.  Why does he say this?  Because he wants to make sure that nobody thinks less of Yoseph’s boys just because they were born alone and in Egypt.  He wants everybody to know that they are as much a part of the family is anyone else is.  Yaakov/Israel is showing us how important it is to clear up any potential misunderstandings that can cause division between people.  He then tells Yoseph where his mother is buried because you should not keep from people information that is important to them.

Strangely enough the Torah makes a point of saying that Yaakov/Israel cannot see well when he asks, “Who are these?”  referring to Yoseph’s sons.  He has been around them for 17 years, if he sees them, he must surely be able to recognize them.  I think he asks so Yoseph can introduce them.  The lesson here is:  when somebody is proud of someone, or something, you should give them room to talk about them.  Then Yaakov/Israel, as he is blessing them, says, “By you shall Israel bless saying, ‘May Elokim make you like Ephraim and Manasseh.’ ”  And to this day, parents say this as they bless their children!  Yaakov/Israel has taken something Yoseph is proud of, his sons, and elevated them to a higher level.  Can you imagine how Yoseph must feel hearing a blessing like that?  Imagine if everybody, upon hearing a person talk of something they were proud of, blessed,or at least praised that thing.  Would people in this world not be more joyful?

Yaakov/Israel then puts his hands on the boys.  Yoseph tries to switch Yaakaov/Israel’s hands because tradition says you should put your right hand on the older one’s head.  Yaakov/Israel tells Yoseph that there is no need to switch, explaining that while the older one will be great, the younger will be greater.  This helps us to understand that if you do something unusual, you need to explain yourself to the people who are affected by your actions.  We see this also when Yaakov/Israel is blessing the rest of his sons; it is clear that he is explaining why Reuvan, Shimon, and Levi will not produce the king/messiah, and hence why that honor falls on the 4th eldest, Judah/Yehuda.

To summarize, Yaakov/Israel is teaching us that 1) if you want somebody to do something that is important to you, make it important to them, 2) if somebody is important to you, make an effort to see them, even if you are sick, 3) always try to clarify ambiguity that can lead to division before disagreements erupt, 4) if you have information that is important to somebody, share it, 5) give people a chance to share things that they are proud of, 6) complement the things another is proud of, to their face, and 7) if you are going to do something unusual, explain your reasons to those affected by your actions.  Seven ideas for improving one’s relationship with another. Not bad for one parsha.

In Jewish tradition, the number 8 refers to the infinite.  And since we should have good relationships throughout time, we should have an 8th teaching.  Yoseph provides that teaching.  After Yaakov/Israel gets buried, Yoseph’s brothers are worried that Yoseph will get them back for what they did to him.  When they approach him, the Torah says that Yoseph comforted them and spoke to their heart.  Perhaps this is the most important lesson:  when someone is in a place of fear,  in order to help them, you need to comfort them by talking to their heart NOT their head.

I pray that you, me, and everyone in the world can hear and use these 8 teachings, and each and every relationship throughout the world improves.

About the Author

Shmuel Shalom Cohen spent 10 years studying Torah in Jerusalem. Six years ago, he started Conscious Torah to help Jews connect to their tradition in ways they didn’t think possible. Shmuel also started, and is the executive directory of Jewish Events Willamette-valley, a non-profit whose mission is to build Jewish community, pride, and learning. In his free time, Shmuel likes walks in nature, playing music, writing poetry, and time with good friends.